I'm sorry I'm not like you

I don't forget as easily as you do

Oh how I wish I could...

I'm almost sorry I ever loved you

I won't wait for the love that's due

I'm sorry that I have to let go of you

But you let go first, I was just slow to get a clue.

I'm sorry that I feel the way I do

Because I really almost hate you

Wit&Wind By Nicolette C

Because it's plain to see that you don't care...

Because it's plain to see that I am nothing to you...

Because it's plain to see that all we had was a mirage...

Because it's plain to see that I have been the fool

Because it's plain to see that you've finished using me...

Wit&Wind By Nicolette C

I don't know what you want from me

You say I shouldn't try to be perfect

But nothing I've done is good enough

You tell me that you love me

But everything you do says you lie.

If I try to say how I feel

You tell me why I am wrong

If I try to help you understand me

You tell me you understand me... more than me.

If I stay silent, you think I don't care

When I simply don't know what to say

Or how to say... that you've broken my heart.

Wit&Wind By Nicolette Chinomona

Let’s battle, you and I
Let’s fight till we sigh.
Let’s go to war over me
About how you’d like me to be
And all I have failed to be.
I’ll let you judge the little that you see
Though you barely even know me.

Wit&Wind by Nicolette C

The tears of a lioness

   fall great and silently

unaccompanied by neither

   soul or sound

gathered in the deepest dark.

 

They announce bloody battles

    and wars waged within

weakness rising to conquer strength

     pain, utterly smoting joy.

 

Tears from struggling with struggling

    from epic brokeness

    and blackened hope.

Veiled under her sheer might,

   doubt is never plin to the eye

.. if you dare look her in the eyes.

 

The tears of a lioness

   are never seen

myth they've been

myth they remain...

everyone knows lions don't cry

everyone... but the lioness that cries.

 

Wit&Wind By Nicolette Chinomona

How do I find the words
to make the meaningless, meaningful?
how do I try to explain
what's already plain to see?
How do I cover up what can't be covered up?
How do I express the mess I am in?
How can I make you understand,
When I barely understand?
I can I be so easy?
Easy enough to be lead astray
How can I be for greedy
for something to destroy me?
How do I save myself
When I can't even find myself?

Wit&Wind By Nicolette Chinomona

I felt my hear beat faster When I first caught his eye
I felt my head was light
When he first smiled.
I looked down and blushed
“what’s wrong with me?” I asked A voice from inside replied…
“It’s love actually”

I felt my heart beat faster
As he yelled at me,
It had been six months
I was a little on edge
Could roses always make up
For how he frightened me so?
Maybe it was, Love actually

I felt my heart beat faster As I walked down the aisle
He smiled as I drew closer
My father turned and whispered
“Why are you doing this child?
His temper isn’t mild”
“don’t worry papa," I said
It's love, actually”

I felt my heart beat faster
As I sat at the mirror
Maybe so more powder would do
My face was black and blue
We'd been married a year
This happened quite a lot
“You were right papa,” I thought.
But this is love actually.

I felt my heart beat faster
At least I was still alive
The sirens wailed in my ears
My face wasn't the only thing Black and blue
Do they have make-up at the hospital?
How do I cover up?
I heard the paramedics' whisper
“Why did he do this to her?”
Inside I thought
“This love actually”

My heart beat faster
I couldn't see the doctor
My eyes were swollen shut
I had a broken jaw and ribs
Not forgetting a battered face
“We couldn’t save you both,"
The doctor said
"I’m sorry, you baby is dead?”
I imagined his boot print on my belly I started to cry
“Why didn't you stop him?” the doctor asked. I laughed sarcastically and said. “This is love actually”

My heart beat faster
As I walked into our home
I looked at the broken glass
My screams still echoed in the walls
I caught my reflection in the mirror
"Is this what love has done?"
Yes, I thought
This is love, actually

My heart beat faster
I couldn't answer their questions
The blood on my hands was drying fast
I stared at my hands in amazement
…… "Ma'am! Are you listening?
What made you do this?"
I looked at the handsome Policeman and said
"It was love, actually."

My heart beat faster
I had a new home.
As I looked at the cold bare walls
I remembered the phone call
I had said he was dead
I had dropped the knife
I remembered the blood
I remembered the policeman
I remembered the judge and his cold stern stare…

“Hey you! I’m talking to you!”
It was the guard
“What are you in for?” she asked
I turned and looked at her And I said "Love, actually."

I’m screaming so hard on the inside
I’m surprised that the world around me isn’t fading
I’m tearing so badly on the inside
I’m surprised no one can hear the ripping.
My heart is breaking so much on the inside
I’m surprised that it’s even beating
Angry thoughts are running wild on the inside
I’m surprised that they don’t break through my skin
My throat is full of sobs on the inside
I’m surprised that my breath isn’t on fire
My hope is totally crushed on the inside
I’m not surprised that I’m crying. Wit&Wind By Nicolette Chinomona

It would be like gentle rain, kissing our skin Like the colors that melt into each other at sunset Like the wings of an eagle, each in perfect time It would be like a dark, star-filled night No fear, no thought, but wondrous awe It would be as still as a lake, with so much life under the surface And as stormy as the sea… To be respected and untame It would be quiet and yet loud No sound, but so much song That’s what we would be Wit&Wind By Nicolette Chinomona

"Sometimes I feel like my relationship with God is like one of a woman separated from her husband, a marriage legally binding, but two entities drifting apart. He's done nothing wrong, in fact he is strong and faithful as always, he still tries to talk to me... but I'm detached and unreachable... he is invisible... literally... I doubt things would be different if he wasn't... at the core of me I love my husband, I want to make it work, but I simply lack the will. I know it's breaking his heart! There has to be something wroing with me, how am I able to tune out someone so perfect and loving? Why did he pick me with my flaws, he could have had anyone. I'm a lousy wife, I'm destined to fail and he is destined to forgive me... he'll always take me back and when he does things will be good for some time and then I'll start to pull away... again and again, until I'm no longer there. At first I'll tell myself that I'm so busy and will find time for him and
before I know it I've forgotten about him and his invisibility will be just another excuse for my carelessness... how can I claim to love him and yet fail to live up to that claim? What's wrong with me? Why am I such a bad wife?"